this is for you(sorry dear, character map isn't on this computer)
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gave school a miss today, at mummy and daddy's orders. tmr too, most likely. you know what i don't really mind. exams are just around the corner, at the expense of my lovely gleaming, shining, straight A1 grades, i'm at the hospital, with my family. not that i don't want to be here. i do, really. lets just hope i'll be able to cope when i return to school on friday/nxt monday.

you know, yesterday when everyone was praying in the waiting room, with tears streaming down our faces, someone prayed for us to be accept the fact that seth might not make it. after going to dinner, after trying so hard not to drench my meal, i went up to the waiting room lounge place. the first thing when i got off the elevator and walked round the corner was my dad. bloodshot eyes, mask around his face, consulting his handphone. he looked so sad. i felt so sad.

walking down the corridor, i saw mary, ahmai gugu, praying, in tears. and ahjoo gugu said to me, "try to be strong". and i cracked again. its far to sad and emotion-packed to write out. not one is missing in the kingdom of God.

then i saw hannah, being the brave one. when i saw her eyes and face this morning, i knew. i love you hannah dearest sister.

anyway we have visitors. guess i'll continue this later, when i get things sorted out more.

(edit)

seth's heart is still beating too fast. here in the waiting room, there were people so talking at such an impolite volume. so disrespectful. back to the seth issue. if his heart continues to beat so fast(220plus beats per minute, i think) his heart might just stop. and when that happens, they'll have to do the electrical thingum, genius innit? NO. cos there's water outside his lungs. and if they do the electrical thingum, what'll happen?? i leave it up to your intelligence to figure out. i'm getting depressed sitting here. i think the people around are getting pissed off too, cos of the jonas brothers' when you look me in the eyes that keeps playing in daddy's laptop.

i don't believe seth's in such a critical condition. he;s been in ICU before, but never was he always sedated, with so many tubes and needles poking here and there. no doctor;s never said, "don't get your hopes too high" to any immediate member of my family before. and for that, on the cab ride here i was cursing the devil. you'd better believe it. i was just so angry. and then just now kat and matt came by. matt was being the joker as usual. i was caught off guard when he suddenly asked, "so how do you feel about all this?" in all seriousness. i said sad. i just couldnt elaborate more. i had to keep that big ol' grin on my face to stop the tears. i don't think i can speak about this to anyone with a straight face.

more later, maybe.

i need a shoulder. i need a hug. i need some. destress-ment.

but then again, i think my parents need it more.

God bless their souls