you're a mystery yourself

Saturday, April 19, 2008

7:57 PM

God,

I'm so sorry. I never thought I would turn out like this. I don't know why I couldn't face You last night in the sancuary. I realised I couldn't honestly say I was made to worship You.
I can't say "You're awsome". I can just stand by, being an on-looker when I watch others say it. I can't call You my own anymore. And its scary, cos I've known You practically all my life. I know You've forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself. I wish You were my escape and Your comforting arms are the place I want to be always. I used to be able to say that. I'm sorry I can't anymore.
Look at me. Studying's my escape now. Comforting arms are Caramel.

I'm so disgusted with myself, I want to throw up. How can You cause your child so much pain? I realise I have no direction whatsoever. I desperately want to turn back to You and I've tried. But I found out I can only hold on to it for a day or so and let it go, because I don't deserve it. I keep turning back to sin, and thats not something I want to do.

I feel so helpless, and yesterday while being alone/ with Ian and Josh, its like. I've got to stop. But I can't, I'm so afraid to say this, but I'm addicted. I study to relieve my stress and problems, and for pete's sake, thats almost as bad as cutting. I wish I could let go. But just like Your forgiveness, I can only do it for a day or so.

Mummy want me to see a counsellor, and dammit, I feel like such a mental case.

God, I'm going crazy. Do You hear me? Do you care about me? Please do, I don't want to be dropped off my magic carpet. Its being yanked from under my very feet. Please stabilize it.

God, I don't want to fall.

Amen.

&the beauty.

I am Eunice.

Sweet, (not)simple and still single.

I love Jesus, don't you come and mess our magic up.

I am 14

And very,very, very fabulous,
thankyou very much

How Well Do You Know Me?

haha sorry, you have to click on the "take test again" button, cos i cant figure out how to do the direct link

(;

Food. Desses. Flowers. Bears. Jelly. Travelling. Jonas Brothers. Miley. Wizards! Z&C. High School Stories. MTV/Disney in general. Books. Writing. Observing. Riding. FB. The Bible. My Momma. My dad. My sister. My brother. My piano. My book collection. Dolphins. Sharks. The ocean. Holidays. Sleeping. Rooney. SUBWAYS. Muse. Paramore. Elisa. HSM. Hairspray. Dancing. Acting.

My baby.

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