you're a mystery yourself

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

1:05 AM

rasin makes my life real hard. LOL, i can't eat properly, i was starved till lunch when mummy allowed me to take it off to eat. but then again, the food wasn't that nice. i talk like a retard. i kept saying PEI-HAN! PEI-HAN! or some random blabber that comes out as a mumble. AHAHA.

BTW, cookie dough no more. now is RUM! peishan was so surprised after chinese on tuesday when i told her i'm completely wiping cookie dough out. "someone already replaced him right?" HAHAH. mhm, and our code phrase is "_ _ _ _", cos peishan doesn't realise he's around, like ever. HAHAHA!

i've been feeling much better these days. but geog is nxt week, and i'm not that confident. science too, its so worrying! essays and letter writing, i'm afraid i won't be able to write it in time. but anyhow, tmr i'm going cycling with daddy at ECP, i cannot wait! havent been cycling in ages.

mhm, 1 more week of work and i am done for term 2.

(: bye.

&the beauty.

2:25 AM

newport harbour is a really inspiring show, know that? it so sad right now, everyone's leaving each other.

say bye, its the 27th of April, its your last chance.

&the beauty.

12:01 AM

hm hm, i want to go downstairs for a walk, but i don't want to, because i don't want to see any random beng or lian, because they'll ruin my potentially fabulous day. i want to have an oreo chocolate crush with extra pearls, but i don't want to, because that requires going downstairs and exposing myself to the world, and i'm not stupid anymore. lets just say my brains have expanded a great deal, and there's a lot of room to be paranoid and such. so here i am, sitting in front of the computer, wishing i could go downstairs to get myself salty potato chips to clog my arteries and sweet bubbletea to make me fatter than i already am, but no, of course, because
i am stuck at home unwillingly.
well, there you have it, something to talk to mrs cheam about, why i feel paranoid now. ho-hum pig's bum, i wonder why. i now hate people walking behind me, strangers looking in my direction and freakish dudes grinning when i walk past them like they know something i don't. dammit, can hannah just give up 10 minutes of her stupid newport harbour weekend marathon and come with me? dammit talking about this just ruined my mood.

damn the computer picked the perfect day to be stupid.

&the beauty.

6:48 PM

hi, ytd was so great. i had alot of fun in the library and in church. i have work to do today, but there's a difference in the way i'll be doing them. are you smarter than a 5th grader is sucha cool show, i wanna join LOL.

ezra's a jealous boy, hehh hehhh.

okay, bye readers.

&the beauty.

12:56 AM

i'm in a mess. iPod's are nifty items. they are so small and compact yet they're so loud and clear. shut up, you, i know exactly what i'm talking about, i'm not being retarded. listening to Behind These Hazel Eyes and Majesty and Worth is The Lamb, its was like, almost fated. i was and am so sad. i'm going kuku, my teachers are complaining that i'm in a daze thorugh class and this and that, my grades are dropping like super alot. and i feel dropped. like, i used to be in this security blanket, and now its gone, unravelling and revealing everything to the world. everything i don't want the world to see or know.
seeing mrs cheam makes me feel like i'm doing something, but its very stressful too, because i have to listen to her instructions and all that, and i'm sacrificing my study time. and i know only i can help myself, but i can;t do it, because I JUST CAN'T DAMMIT. i am so sad. i'm sad for me, i'm sad for mummy, i'm sad for daddy, but i can't help it. it hurts and aches and spins me around, but i just can't let go. i found out today that i can be so strong for other people, and blending in and talking to people about certain things seems like 2nd nature, but i can't apply that to myself. its so easy to play a song on the piano, but so much harder to sing it out to God and mean it whith all i am. easier said than done. i wish there was a remedy. in fact, there is. no go to school. but shit lah, exams are NEXT FRIDAY, and as ms heng mentioned to us, its in EIGHT DAYS. charity and cookie dough aren't doing their jobs properly.

i was friggin emo this morn, cos i woke up at 6. i closed the front door and just cried. cried walking to the busstop, cried while waiting for the bus. evantually took a cab to school. i hate school so much. there's so much drama and dammit, this isn't the bold and the beautiful.

shit.
i
really
don't
know
what
to
do.

but maybe there;s a way out.

&the beauty.

6:35 AM

beautiful, just beautiful.

on the cross they nailed You to,
which could not hold You
now making all things new
by the power
of Your risen life;

I'm in that place once again

&the beauty.

12:49 AM

screw titles. it makes me think unnecessarily. did i spell that right? i'm going crazy. was in a daze all through classes today. mrs dass asked me an alternate word for happy and i just blinked stupidly till i mustered "overjoyed". she should've given me an easier one like sad. here are my alternates.

forlon, depressed, blue, melancholic, down, upset, cheerless, dismal, gloomy, joyless.

hoohooha, she wants to speak to me. :/ thanks peishan and of course mrs dass and mr tham for the concern. i don't think i'm alright, just so you know. art was so silly, idk what ms something was saying. chinese was so confusing and scary, i do not like to space out during chinese. i've got a WS to do. geog was alright, i didn't bring my check 3, and PE was the best. i didn't have to do my 5 stations. the next time they'll test is aft exams, so when my toe recovers, i'll start training, esp for incline pull ups, please let me do at least 3! i heard they'll do retests till we pass. not for me. i feel like shanking myself, shake all the problems and little little issues out of my life.

daddy came back ytd, saw him this morning! my smile was humongous. i love the green and gray striped jacket! i was a little worried when daddy said "striped" over the phone, but it looks good! daddy so cute, everything he got was either roxy or billabong, right down to hairbands, caps and bags. :D works for me though. the presents cheered me up alot. i love the hoooodie!

anyhow. i've got art coursework to do. i wish i could stay and rant about teachers, but i don;t think so. mummy and daddy says i need to make more friends. but. ytou know what. i have no idea how to. its like. peishan and vincent n are the only 2 people in my class who i'm actually friends with, and the rest are aquantences, however its spelt.

ahhh, the novelty of the presents have worn off. i need something to cheer me up. damn, i've got art coursework to do. :\ i'm gna do "flying colours".

):<

i've got my dental at paragon tmr! i cannot wait.

okay that so cheered me up.

its unspoken,

&the beauty.

3:09 AM

take me away, now.

today. wow. it was. just wowie. i can't believe how insanely retarded and stuid i am, i half cried half distorted my thumb during physics, i'm going to get a b3 dammit. then. the counselor came in and asked for me blooooody hell. :\ "can you come to my room during assembly period?" that was the qsn i dreaded the most. not the shit problem mdm tham had on the chalkboard, surprisingly. but going for the thing made things slightly better. its so shocking how direct she is. but yup i like her she told me to eat chips and drink milo and be kind to me! HAHAH it sounds random, but yeah. after that went to eat at the griller with mummy, then took 16 to orchard, and while crossing the road i suddenly shouted, "i've got tuition at 4 today!!!!!" it was 3:36pm. ha. i must have seemed slightly off. well. i am, hahaha.

had tuition, bathed and here i am. i have a whole lot of shit to complete, and i've GOTS to sleep at 11.

poor peishan'll be alone tmr. doing a friggin large amount of fat/calorie burning activity that makes her ache. i'm got 5 days MC! :D i'm so happy. i can sit and stone, thinking about cookiedough and church and lalala.

i'm rather depressed now.

but daddy's coming back just in time with all my presents and such, tmr's gna be a good day.

oh man i'm so tired.

&the beauty.

4:06 AM

"i need to eat ice cream and all your mother has is leftover tofu, can we go?"

i am getting very sick of everything. shut up. like really, don't talk to me. stop making noise. its frickin pissing. seth i do wish you would shut up. you just had to waltz into our lives and ruin everything.

i do hate life alot. i can't stand myself.

someone take me away.

&the beauty.

7:57 PM

God,

I'm so sorry. I never thought I would turn out like this. I don't know why I couldn't face You last night in the sancuary. I realised I couldn't honestly say I was made to worship You.
I can't say "You're awsome". I can just stand by, being an on-looker when I watch others say it. I can't call You my own anymore. And its scary, cos I've known You practically all my life. I know You've forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself. I wish You were my escape and Your comforting arms are the place I want to be always. I used to be able to say that. I'm sorry I can't anymore.
Look at me. Studying's my escape now. Comforting arms are Caramel.

I'm so disgusted with myself, I want to throw up. How can You cause your child so much pain? I realise I have no direction whatsoever. I desperately want to turn back to You and I've tried. But I found out I can only hold on to it for a day or so and let it go, because I don't deserve it. I keep turning back to sin, and thats not something I want to do.

I feel so helpless, and yesterday while being alone/ with Ian and Josh, its like. I've got to stop. But I can't, I'm so afraid to say this, but I'm addicted. I study to relieve my stress and problems, and for pete's sake, thats almost as bad as cutting. I wish I could let go. But just like Your forgiveness, I can only do it for a day or so.

Mummy want me to see a counsellor, and dammit, I feel like such a mental case.

God, I'm going crazy. Do You hear me? Do you care about me? Please do, I don't want to be dropped off my magic carpet. Its being yanked from under my very feet. Please stabilize it.

God, I don't want to fall.

Amen.

&the beauty.

7:45 PM

really, actually, truly
& from the bottom of my heart, i think speech day was the best thing that ever happened. to all who made it the way it was, i thank and love you from the bottom of my golden heart. :D

my toe was infected quite badly. the doctor poked it and drained some of the pus, but its still infected. ): omg so painful. and i can't let my toe touch water.

cookie dough,
please tell me you know. this game's getting a little old, do you not agree?

&the beauty.

3:06 AM

realisation
i've been frickin fickle this term. i disgust myself sometimes. i can't help it, and i'm sorry for it. i love my friends in school, they make my life funnier and sillier and happier. peishan & vincent n, ty!

vincent wong was being very funny before assem. he came up to peishan and i with vincent n, then vincent n was like,
hi, do you still need tomatoes? i think i can give you some from mdm hariyati's group.
then vincent wong was like,
why are you talking to them? you don't talk to girls when you're sweaty and when they're crying.

LOL!

today i didn't know that we had to bring our own ingredients for F&N practical, so i cried like a young child without candy while telling mummy what ingredients i needed her to bring. sometimes i don't know why, but i just do it. yup, and then what happened? i got my ingredients JUST before we started cooking, thank goodness. and ms serene wasn;t even mad, wah heng. during recess sat with mummy and peishan. mummy told me to go see the counselor, LOL! almost did, but in the end i didn't cos. HAHAH. just cos.

today was a little floaty again, i've got lots of unfinished and worse still, untouched work to complete and touch, LOL.

laughing with peishan was funny. LOL, crazy woman lah she.

oh i have this bump on my big toe on my left foot, i can't walk properly. super painful and irritating! its throbs and aches and ouuuuuch. mummy says there's PUS inside. GROSS PLEASE!

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call

I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there

But now I know what I didn't know
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it though every storm
What is life, whats the use if your killed inside

I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live
My world has everything I need to survive
Because you live, I live, I live

cookie dough, cookie dough
just how much do you know?

&the beauty.

6:22 AM

ah shits, screw this.

-run thru f n n chap 5
- prep for f n n prac.
-chi chap 10 zao ju
-f n n notebook on f n v pg 3-6
-geog 1d txtbk pg 2-23
-sci chapter 5
-chi chapter 11
-chi chapter 12
-geog 1c txtbk pg 47-56

a big fat f to all those who caused this build up of work. 9 points! OMG. and someone's being such an ass, like, seriously. i don't need your extra comments, i feel bad enough. maybe your sec 3 life is going perfect, but my sec 1 one is not. its not that i want to cause more problems for anyone, but seriously, would it hurt for you to keep your mouth shut for a little while? IDTS, so there you go. i've had just about enough from school and the cookie dough frenzy and all the revision, and your life may be perfect, not studying and getting all A1s, but other's have it harder, so just SHUT UP.

i hate myself for being the way i am. and i hate myself for letting cookie dough get in the way. i hate myself for pulling me away from my studies and i hate myself for all the things i can't do. i hate myself for wanting so much what i can;t have and not being content with what;s in front of me. i hate that i'm pulling so many people's grades down along with mine, i hate that i've not been perfect this term.

f this frickin emo streak in me, i am seriously pissed off and tired and bloody hell, shit lah, alright.

&the beauty.

4:37 AM

dark
i really hate the dark alot, i really do. i've already said, i cannot see in the dark, not a bit. my eyes don't adjust, Vit A deficiency, sue me. someone turned the lights off in the dressing room of SP during the 1st rehearsal in attempts to silence us. for pete's sake, we just found your lines funny, we can't stop natural reactions, hahaha, yah. and guess what, i couldn't see a thing, the darkness was just suffocating and i couldn't breathe. until they finally turned on the light, when they realised a poor sec 1 was crying. i hate breaking down. alot. but the other drama people were nice, ty charmaine ng and clara and audrey and ridzuan and sherman and all the others :D

lessons today were good, physics was the bestest, peishan and i were laughing till we had abs. yadeya, left class at 12.30. blahblah, i saw cookie dough!

i've got lots of work to do. :\

sometimes i wish for an escape.

oh i wrote a poem during physics!! mdm tham is simpley inspiring.

cookies are warm and brown
they are nice and chewy
they make me very high
and also very silly

LOL OMG!!

you know, sometimes, i amaze myself. i think so far ahead and set my expectations so high, i don't know if i'll be able to reach them. and i set unrealistic goals, like meeting and getting to know certain people, or going to church for a certain week, but of course, it doesn't really work out in the end. because of this and because of that, and because i don't trust myself. i don't know if its my fault, why i sleep like a friggin pig and am so reliant on caffine or if i'm just an innocent victim of circumstance. i vote the former. mummy says funny things are happening to me, eg: the incident in SP, and i'm going crazy. i can't control it, i don't know why its happening, and its friggin serious this time. everything happens for a reason.

why isn't there anyone to feel sorry for me? its like, oh like that ah, okay, glad its not me. i mean, i don't crave attention, but its just the feeling of being alone. its really hard to bear and lug everywhere. it makes me very sad sometimes, like there's no one who goes "i understand, let me hear you out." and does it sincerely without judging.

its like, enter _.

my constant heartache;

&the beauty.

11:40 PM

codeword: wengchoong
had our 2.4 run today. peishan and i came in 30th and 31st. 21.14 and 21.26. dang, which means we've to retake it. we ran with other classes, and the sec3s run superly fast! they started a good 10+ mins after us, and some of them managed to finish before peishan and i! but some of them cut through the grass patch, but ah, whatevs.
and thankyou, vincent n, you were v sweet LOL.
"eunice eunice, hurry up, your gna own peishan!"
HA, right, my bestfriend can sprint like there's no tmr. but she gets really bad stiches. so yup. i think i looked very silly trying to get her to slow down and breathe deeeeeply cos i was failing my arms like mad. walking back to class, we came up with codenames and LOL, it was so hilarious!
cookie dough has no gender.
it was sucha laugh. i ate bah chor mee during recess! and the aunty likes me, she gave me 30cents discount! :D lessons were pretty draggy, especially art, my stage 3 one sucks like i don't even know what. chinese was pretty funny, i love mdm xu su. then we had english which was boring, as expected. it was easy. like looking for adverbs/adjectives and blah blah blah.
daddy's in gold coast now. ytd's goodbye was so funny.
...& eunice, must rmb to sleep!
LOL! yes, daddy, i will rmb to sleep, just for how long or how short :P

(now for the more depressing part)

i haven't finished ytd's work or HW, and today i have loads more. my eye bags look like my aunt's and my face is like a meeting place for pimples mans! now they don't even line up! and thats friggin pissing, cos they take up the side of my nose, the part above my eyebrow and my temple. sheesh, even my pimples are being ill-disciplined. hurhur, i'm being so silly.
my back hurt alot today. and for the 2.4 retest, i hope we won't have to run during cirriculum time, cos you know, i think A1s are more impt than PFT.
ohoh! and mr loh can't count! he said, "i give you 10 seconds to tuck in your shirt and come here, sec1s! 10, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." LOL, that was pretty funny.

mm, i'm gna bathe then complete all my work. i feel friggin woozy mans.

cookiedough;

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way

No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me

And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe

Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again
He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly

&the beauty.

11:37 PM

over here,

school today was fun! i'm starting to love my class outside of lesson time. i'm not sure if i even want to transfer at the end of this year anymore. correction, i wasn't. cos lets face it. new school, new reputation to build, and best friends don;t exactly come everyday. it took me roughly 2 months to get a friend. plus, new teachers, new sets of work, new books... mm, but then again, i pretty sure there aren;t any stalkers in st margs, and neither are there people waiting practically at your doorstep and when you walk past they "very secretly" point and "very softly" go 'TA! TA, NA GE!'. and the most disturbing is, they're not from my school at all.
* you, bloody hell. i'm not blind, and i'm not deaf. i've got a brain that works, even when i'm super tired.
speaking of that, maybe i was hallucinating. and halluci-hearing. hahahah. i've got math tuition in 15 mins.
so bye.
i think orange is my new lucky color (:

&the beauty.

3:12 AM

dang
i love orange! today i didn't study at all. only read through chem chap 5 and half of chap 6, someone unscrew me.
wt was fabulous, i love everyone! ian's so tall and humongous, omg, LOL! and i think tim's anorexic, LOL, he's so skinnyyyy! we were idiots for a bit, before rehearals began. and then during our break, there was this little boy who was smacking people's butts, and tim pressed his one against the wall, and the small boy, in all his sweet innocence, continued smacking, and hm, lets just leave it as that. yupyup, after that, went for seth;s dedication and then for lunch with the whole fam. goodnes sits been ages since i ate with all of them at greenridge. after that, went to vivo to watch definately, maybe. it was so sweeeet! yup, aft the movie shopped ard a bit, mummy bought me lipgloss in orange/mandrin/tangerine flavour! its delicious.
gah, i've got alot of work to do, and daddy's leaving for a full week tmr. and tmr, there's his company dinner at the airport t3. can't wait mans. hahah, mary's cooking gyozas for dinner! :D :D
maybe when i'm back daddy'll have a taste of my handmade wontons.
(:

&the beauty.

5:11 AM

6 hours 40 minutes
i seriously am addicted to the high and joy that studying for long hours bring you. i love the feeling of your eyes getting more and more crossed by the second and i shan't elaborate more, lest i make myself more of a freak that i already am. but when you want something so much you practically feel the physical ache, nothing gets in your way, really, except sleepiness and lack of caffiene/caffine. ah, i still can't get the spelling right. i napped from 5-6.30, i feel wonderful! yes, i am quite high now, studying leaves that side effect.
gave WEB a skip today, i feel very guilty. especially since i keep going back on the promises i made to God while at BC, about making the time for Him and to reflect, to see if i'm going back to term 1 behaviour. i don't think so, but idk, overcompetivity gets the better of me at times. especially since i hear that people like darrshan are getting 92 in geography, which is only 1.1 less that MY grade. not trying to brag or anything, but something is seriously wrong. maybe i've got obsessive compulsive disorder, LOL.
For a person with OCD, anxiety takes the form of obsessions (bad thoughts) and compulsions (actions that try to relieve anxiety).
okay, i shouldn't be laughing. but i swear, www.kidshealth.org is about one of the most intersting websites around. i love the 'your mind' section. my eyes feel swollen, idk why. overdose of words, maybe? HAHAH.
oh and you know smth, just now i told my dad i was gna use the com for an hour, and he was actually enthusiastic about letting me go online? HAHA, i'm gna miss my daddy when he goes to gold coast/sydney on monday for 10 friggin days. oh my my.
i miss kellock, and i miss mrs ong and i miss turtle and hare humor. i miss the lovely baked rice and meatball macaroni and the non-greasy food and the nice canteen vendors who rmb your order, and i miss 6 lavender, very much. i miss the 5 trees girlies and mr ahem, ng, and CODE SOTONG and aw man, ): i'm gna visit again, i haven't been back in ages. i think lydia and joanna are preparing to go for competition aldy, i'm superly extremely proud of them! hahah, sweet tap. xD
i absolutely love the color functions of blogger.
and now i'm going to go,
so byebye.

&the beauty.

4:42 AM

6 hours
i want to study for 6 hours today again. (: tmr i'm staying home, to study and such. mid years are fast approaching, and i don't look forward to glance upon a mediocre report card, A2s and B3s. i don't really think that sec 1 is easy at all, :\. everything is much less complex that what i see in my sister's textbooks though.
i feel quite sleepy and just now at the super market mummy didn;t allow me to buy a bottle of coke! ):< okay lah, i shouldn't be angry.
(hey peishan, i'm researching caffine, and it doesn;t make us stupid lah!)
back to the point. i've only scheduled revision and reading of my chinese newspaper tonight. mummy says i need a break and that i'm overdoing it. maybe a tad, but so what, thats how i got my good grades in term 1. i'm just stepping it up a little more, cos lets face it, there's more to study, and i need better grades.
oh shoot, caffeine's a DRUG.

What Is Caffeine?

Caffeine is a drug that is naturally produced in the leaves and seeds of many plants. It's also produced artificially and added to certain foods. Caffeine is defined as a drug because it stimulates the central nervous system, causing increased alertness. Caffeine gives most people a temporary energy boost and elevates mood.

Caffeine is in tea, coffee, chocolate, many soft drinks, and pain relievers and other over-the-counter medications. In its natural form, caffeine tastes very bitter. But most caffeinated drinks have gone through enough processing to camouflage the bitter taste.

Teens usually get most of their caffeine from soft drinks and energy drinks. (In addition to caffeine, these also can have added sugar and artificial flavors.) Caffeine is not stored in the body, but you may feel its effects for up to 6 hours.

Got the Jitters?

Many people feel that caffeine increases their mental alertness. Higher doses of caffeine can cause anxiety, dizziness, headaches, and the jitters. Caffeine can also interfere with normal sleep.
Caffeine sensitivity (the amount of caffeine that will produce an effect in someone) varies from person to person. On average, the smaller the person, the less caffeine needed to produce side effects. Caffeine sensitivity is most affected by the amount of caffeine a person has daily. People who regularly take in a lot of caffeine soon develop less sensitivity to it. This means they may need more caffeine to achieve the same effects.

Caffeine is a diuretic, meaning it causes a person to urinate (pee) more. It's not clear whether this causes dehydration or not. To be safe, it's probably a good idea to stay away from too much caffeine in hot weather, during long workouts, or in other situations where you might sweat a lot.

Caffeine may also cause the body to lose calcium, and that can lead to bone loss over time. Drinking caffeine-containing soft drinks and coffee instead of milk can have an even greater impact on bone density and the risk of developing
document.write(defosteoporosis41)osteoporosis.

Caffeine can aggravate certain heart problems. It may also interact with some medications or supplements. If you are stressed or anxious, caffeine can make these feelings worse. Although caffeine is sometimes used to treat migraine headaches, it can make headaches worse for some people.

Moderation Is the Key

Caffeine is usually thought to be safe in moderate amounts. Experts consider 200–300 mg of caffeine a day to be a moderate amount for adults. But consuming as little as 100 mg of caffeine a day can lead a person to become "dependent" on caffeine. This means that someone may develop withdrawal symptoms (like tiredness, irritability, and headaches) if he or she quits caffeine suddenly.

oh wow, shoot me please. caffeine's a lot more scary than i thought, haha.

&the beauty.

10:34 PM

you're on the inside of my eyelids!
LOL! today was realllyyyyy good, cos i finished all of ytd's work ytd. including the idk-how-to-do chem WS. i didn't complete it, but i did all the qsns i knew. ah, its with ms lim, and haha, enough said. GS this morn was quite fun, but quite boring too. we had to wait and wait and wait for the chemical reactions and it was quite a bore. mhm. then we had geog, quite boring too, then recess, and i ate bah chor mee. ha, omg woe, i'm being such a self-stalker. anyhow, went back to class, had EL, mrs dass was talking abt nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs. : blah, blah, blah, math was quite a bore, chinese was mostly doing HW. today was quite stagnant, i'm quite surprised i didn't dose off half way.
talked to peishan before assem this morn, HAHA, why i like speech day rehearsals, LOL!! ah, its so nice having someone to unload. but actually, i think i owe her an explanation as to why i keep giggling to myself half way through lessons or while staring at my chemistry worksheets. yup, and talked to ridzuan too, before i was kicked out of his class, LOL! xD its so silly-ly childish, just because i talk to him and spend time with him, it doesn't mean any 'sparks are flying' or anything. for pete's sake, i shared an umbrella with luojiaqi on the way to school, it doesn't mean we're dating, dimwit.
mhm, okay. so, i'll eat lunch, bathe, practice piano and then see if there's time to watch the OC. and afte rthat piano lesson, then dinner, then i'll study. i don't reckon i'll be going for WEB tmr. :\, i'm sad.

mhm, shan't emo here, espcially since my skin is so happy.
okay, buhbye.

&the beauty.

7:23 AM

tick tock goes the clock

time waits for no one yes, i'm nearly done with chinese! sad, the fun bit of my study plan's are ending soon. i've got half an hour of computer time, cos i successfully completed 3 multiplied by 45 minutes of studying. :D i'm proud of me! hmhm, its 10.24, and i still have yet to complete studying chinese chapter 2, science chapter 4 and memorising the first bit of F & N. but here's the super marvellous catch, you see, i don't really feel sleepy! my eyes feel a little strained, but that's only cos i'm wearing my glasses, cos just now, i was watching TV too. HAHAH. one bottle of coke, one cup of coffe. already comsumed. lets see how dumb caffaine really makes me. LOL, Ridzuan wins that hands down. wednesday was so silly.

wooosh, its sucha relief to be in charge and control of your studies, you know? i mean, to be finally doing something. HAHA. anyhow, i've got some BC pics! (:

so here are some of the really nice people i spent time with :D

group shot, right aft the Jesus party, which, if i may add, was a whole lotta fun!

yup, i had a good time. anyhow. what should i do now.

ah, okay bye lah.

&the beauty.

3:24 AM

dumdeedumdee!
today was sucha moodswing. i amuse myself sometimes, i lie to my diary, LOL! i was writing a truthful entry ytd, and i couldn't stop giggling to myself.
gah, i have alot of unfinished work to do. walao, damn, freaky shit! sometimes, i wonder if i'd be better off having fun this year, enjoying my friends, enjoying my life, enjoying the nonsense. but then. there's this nag, like, are you sure you want to do that? does what God have in store for me not of importance? think about all the people you could be helping, you can;t be that selfish. mhm, and i don;t want to do things halfway, cos then all the work i put in in term 1 will go to waste. mhm, yup. but, yes there are loads of distractions. haha, some of which make my giggle stpuidly to my textbook during lessons or when i'm revising. mhm, all the more i want to transfer out. now's not the right time, LOL! and now i feel quite high, from school! OMG, thats the 1st time its happened this year, strange eh. yes, i know. but what can i say, vincent naing, peishan and i make the best team of idiotic crappers. (:

yup, its now 6.44pm, i have to eat dinner, do my HW, do today's revision, ytd's revision, planning timetable for my CTs and something else i forget.

bye!

&the beauty.

4:19 AM

frick
i just got home, dammit. i have uncompleted work, and i'm so ready to pass out. uncompleted work dated over a week ago. i haven't any emenagy. lingesh was trying to make me look like a retard onstage just now. woe. thankyou emcee dude for counting.

you know, last year, i thought life couldn't get any worse.
hehh, how wrong i was.

&the beauty.

2:16 AM

I LOVE SHAPES

mummy bought the go packs and i'm eating my 2nd one. omg super good!
today school was blah, as usual. we had moving of props, we did it is 23 secs! :D
mdm xu su said we'll be tested on the ENTIRE book for midyrs. :/ omgomgomg! they should have a piece of paper where all the topics tested are written, its so annoying having to guess and being wrong.
):<
anyhow, my tongue feels scratched. hurhurhurrr.

okay, buhbye.

&the beauty.

4:29 AM

LOL! peishan, imagine the boys of 1A!!!!

LOL!!!!

&the beauty.

11:41 PM

on a monday,

a loving hatred
the moon in disguise
a repeated banging
behind your eyes
who are you
and who am i
dare you judge me
i'd like to see you try
kicking and screaming
my devil grows
its raging anger
before all blows

next week shall be better

&the beauty.

9:57 PM

&the beauty.

9:10 PM

CLTG comp!

ytd was awesomes! reached ulu pandan cc and got dressed, then did hair and makeup, and then rehearsed, and then went up to watch the other groups. oh wow, its so surprising, RGS & SCGS weren't all that good. but i think they'll place, cos their skits were elaborate. hwa chongs was quite long and draggy and stagnant, but i guess they'll place too cos quite a number liked it. it was abt the army thingo, and it was all shouting and marching. hurhurhur. gan eng seng's dudes kept stripping onstage, LOL! but some of the piakia dudes were damn hottttt omg!! we were the 2nd last to act, and ahhh, i think we did quite well. :D but too softly. mhm, yesyes, the competition was a really good experience.

after the comp ended which was ard 6.50, mummy and daddy said go to ahma and yeye's house for potluck. and at first i was like :\, but then i though. potluck means good food yes? HAHAH. reached home with my helmet hair quite late in the night, slept. i woke up at 10.30! omg blooody hell, i'm going insane. i ate pizza for breakfast, then started studying for geog, drew the globe, and then here i am. hahaha. i'm going out with hannah later on to get her hair cut.

mm. i had a figgin weird dream last night mans. ahaha.

okay, byebye.

&the beauty.

7:44 PM

hi peishan!

this is my blog skin (:

&the beauty.